The Danger of Sex-Starved Marriage – By Bosede Ola-Samuel

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This thought about sex in marriage was provoked by a story I read this week about a wife who cheated with a teenager living with the couple, just two months after he started living with them.

According to the story, the woman had been married for about twelve years, with four children, when the husband caught her red-handed in the act with the 19-year-old teenager. Her defence, or should I say her reason, was loneliness.

What is a Sex-Starved Marriage?

It is a marriage in which either both partners or one of the partners is not sexually fulfilled. That is, the sex act is not being enjoyed by at least, one of the couple. This can be due to poor sexual engagement, lack of s3x styles, nonavailability of one party, health issues, lack of s3xual communication, ageing process, poor handling of differences in libido between the partners (husband and wife), among others.

When a marriage is sex-starved, the consequences can be grave for the marriage, as in the case of the above real-life story. The husband eventually divorced the wife.

Understanding the Importance of Sexual Fulfilment

One thing that I am convinced about in the issue of sexual fulfilment is that it is underrated by many couples. That’s why a wife can authoritatively ask her husband “Is it food?” or “Are you under a spell?” Or a husband saying, “Don’t you know more than sex?” or “All you think of is sex.”

Such phrases can be used by persons for reasons of pretence, derogation, or lack of s3xual climax experience, known as orgasm. Anyone who has enjoyed sex at its climax will dare not say such things. Sexual pleasure is a serious issue that must never be trivialised or taken for granted. It is one serious reason why many people engage in infidelity, especially if they had experienced it before marriage or during marriage.

I have met married persons who jettisoned their marital relationship or vow for sexual fulfilment. I have also heard from married couples who are sustaining their marriage due to the s3xual fulfilment derived from the marriage. One wife confessed that she was enduring the challenges of her husband’s excesses because of the sexual pleasure he was giving her. According to her, “I can’t trade his sexual prowess away o. He’s always driving me crazy in the act.”

So, anyone asking “What is in sex?” obviously has not tasted sex in its best form, which is called orgasm. Sex provides great pleasure and it must be ensured that no marriage is denied of it. Any complaint about s3xual engagement in marriage must be promptly attended to ─ otherwise, it could endanger the marriage, especially in these days of visual immortality.

Evils of the Sex-Starved Marriage 

Emotional Trauma: This happens to faithful married partners who will never cheat in marriage. They suffer in silence and mourn their starvation. I remember the day one wife ran to my house in the night, crying because of s3xual starvation due to her husband’s weak erection situation. It’s traumatic to face the situation. This is the lot of many religious married couples.

Infidelity: The growing rate of infidelity today is an indication of the level of sexual dissatisfaction in marriage, to a great extent. Those who can’t face starvation have resolved to help themselves outside the home. It’s all out there in the society, and getting worse by the day. The battle today is not to prevent infidelity, but to see how to eradicate it. It’s already a menace. Everyone should watch his or her back. It’s fast becoming the rule rather than the exception.

Paternity Fraud: The incident of paternity fraud involving married couples today is quite alarming. Many seeking s3xual fulfilment outside the marriage end up with unwanted pregnancies which are being pinned on their husbands. What a pity! The rate at which DNA test is clamoured these days attests to the evil of paternity fraud. This is an unpleasant development that is eating deep into the fabric of society.

Murder and Attempted Murder

This is the result of an extreme reaction of some who catch their married partners in infidelity. Lives are being lost and destroyed in this process. Emotional torture makes the man mad.

Suicide: When people face the shame of paternity fraud and infidelity, suicidal thoughts creep in. This is because our capacity to withstand such adversity differs from person to person. It’s a situation that we must prevent in our relationship as married couples.

Divorce: Divorce is now the order of the day. Those who can’t face sexual starvation, and those who catch their spouses in infidelity, end their marriage in divorce. Religion is no longer holding the centre for divorce because things are falling fast apart. No thanks to the pains of sexual starvation in marriage.

These are some of the evils that we must prevent by being proactive towards sexual starvation in marriage. It’s a strong factor in these incidents mentioned above. This is why sex talk is a must in marriage. After all, sex is one of the purposes of getting married. Let us speak out so that we will not be caught in the web of the evils of sexual starvation.

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