One of the reasons for getting married is sexual intercourse. Marriage is a license for sexual intimacy in a legitimate form. While people have sex anyhow, marriage makes it legally and morally proper for two persons of the opposite sex (man and woman) to be sexually active without shame or backlash from society. This is why sexual denial by a married partner is frowned upon by society. It is also the reason why parents commonly tell their daughters before getting married to make sex as free as air, with their husbands. The wives are singled out because years of experience with married people have revealed that wives generally are more prone to denying their spouse’s sex.
Sex in Marriage
Sex is also a reasonable ground for married partners to seek divorce. Inadequate or lack of great sex in a marriage portrays that the marriage is a troubled one. I have often said that if couples get it right with their sex life, their marital success is almost hundred percent guaranteed. So, show me a happy married couple, and I will tell you that he or she is a sexually fulfilled couple.
Conflict resolution is also tied to a good sex life. When the sex is good, the level of conflict resolution is very high. I have ceme to discover in my marital experience and marriage counselling engagements that conflict resolution becomes easier when good sex takes place in the marriage. Good sex helps married couples to resolve their conflicts easily. It is also a known fact that behind many couples’ fights lies sexual dissatisfaction.
That is why when you ask quarrelling married couples to explain what their fight is all about, all you get is rigmarole explanations that leave you, as a mediator, more confused about the source of their quarrels. While the explanations make it obvious that there is a quarrel, the cause of the quarrel remains shrouded in secrecy. They simply do not want to tell you that the real problem is sexual dissatisfaction. However, it is becoming easier these days for married couples to voice out their sexual dissatisfaction to a third party.
Not only do couples find it easier to resolve their conflicts when the sex is good, they actually engage in sex to settle their quarrels. That is what is termed settlement sex nowaday. That is why sex has become a recurring decimal in marital affairs. If you try to explain marital conflicts outside sex, you will wear yourself out because you will just ‘explain tire’.
Good sex is also a bonding ‘glue’, making couples inseparable in marriage. I have engaged with married partners who endured their spouses’ excesses in other areas because they got good sex from them. Though frequently beaten black and blue, a wife still refuses to leave her husband, and when you probe deeper, you are shocked that what she does not want to miss is not the guy, but his sexual prowess. So, she keeps suffering and smiling in the marriage. Little wonder sex enhancers are not only massively sought after in different shades, but it is also a massive business venture these days.
A couple should be worried if their sex life no longer excites them, not only in the act but also in getting into the act. Couples that no longer enjoy regular sex should know that there is fire on the mountain. Sex generates a chemistry that gets couples bonded. So, when it is absent or is now a once-in-a-blue-moon affair, the marriage is at risk. It is an absurd situation for a married couple not to have sexual intimacy for months and still carry on as if all is well. The truth is that all cannot, and is not well, in such a marriage. Even if there are real-life challenges such as a busy work schedule and ill health hindering good sex, it still does not make it right. Such couples should sit down and be intentional about how to make good sex happen in the marriage. It is a false security to take the fact that good sex is no longer happening in your marriage for granted. Stop saying my spouse “is busy”, “is understanding”, and “does not mind going without sex for long”
That your spouse is not complaining about or showing interest in sex does not mean he or she does not want sex. He or she could have resigned himself or herself to fate, suffering in silence. But, the real worry comes when he or she faces serious temptation in that regard. Survival of such temptations becomes a herculean task for him or her. So, never take the power of good sex for granted in your marriage.
In closing, let me explain that good sex is what gives both married partners satisfaction. There is, therefore, no ABC of good sex in cast iron. Every couple must sit down and understand what works for them, and then work around it to make them enjoy a good sex life. It comes in terms of styles, location, timing, etc. To make sex good in marriage is a task that must be done by each couple.
So, if you are married, get down to work and make the sex good.
Enjoy your weekend.
