Securing Your Marriage From Financial Inadequacy – By Bosede Ola-Samuel
I have discovered that money plays a major part in marital conflicts. I used to think that s3x is the basis of all marital conflicts, but now I know better.
I have been to both sides of s3x and money, and with my experiences and those of other married couples in conflicts, I make bold to give the upper hand of conflicts in marriage to money.
When I mentioned money, I meant lack of or inadequacy of money. I already did a write-up on the importance of money in marriage. You can get it to enrich your knowledge of the point I will be making in this write-up.
Lack of money in marriages will eventually mar the harmony in it. Depending on the personalities of the couple, inadequate provision of money is the keg of gunpowder in the marriage. The longer it takes to overcome the challenge of inadequate provision of money, the more the frequency of conflicts, as well as the chances of the marriage entering into the bad sides of extramarital affairs and separation or outright divorce.
I have engaged many couples in conflicts due to inadequate finances and can say categorically that the threat or the temptation of the bad sides stated above is real. It takes wisdom and maturity to overcome such circumstances.
When a marriage lacks adequate financial provision, the following things happen:
Both the husband and wife are on the edge. The wife is on the edge because she is the one who bears the pressure of managing what is available. As we all know, when resources are inadequate, critical planning is required. Adequate resources make planning easy ─ you get your materials in bulk and save yourself the stress of frequenting the market. All this takes its toll on the wife. So, she gets touchy and starts nagging at her husband.
The how or when this happens depends on the temperament of the wife. The longer the inadequate financial situation persists, the worse the nagging for the wife, no matter her type of temperament trait. I found myself in this, years ago, and my mentor counselled us to be intentional towards getting out of the situation as quickly as possible. We did, and today we have a stronger marriage.
For the husband, he is also under intense pressure of the failure to make enough money available in the marriage. This guilt brings enough weight to his heart, and when the nagging starts, it causes his heart to break. At this point, his maturity and his temperament trait come into play to manage the tension. The outcome will be a make or mar affair ─ make, if properly managed; and mar if otherwise.
Holidays and Recreational Outings become near impossible. When the stomach is empty, the major concern will be how to fill it, rather than spending money for relaxation.
Love Language of Gift items becomes relegated to the background, especially for the husband. The wife, being a love-being, may still be able to cope. But, for the man, his thinking will be full of how to foot all the bills staring him in the face.
Important Dates in the family, such as wedding anniversaries, and birthdays of the couple and the children become frequently forgotten. It takes deliberate effort and maturity for a husband to remember those dates. Or, even if he remembers, he may pretend not to, since he is expected to foot the associated bills.
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Faults become difficult to overlook. What you will ordinarily not lay to heart becomes an easy and frequent point of reference.
Sexual temptation becomes easy to yield to in the face of hunger. It is not a question of being interested ─ rather, it is a question of being lured into it. As a wife, you need to keep the standard of fidelity very high in the face of financial inadequacy. You must realise that there is a thin line between sliding in and staying afloat. There is a very good chance you might be easily tempted at such a time. That is why couples must be intentional about increasing their financial capacity regularly.
Solutions to the situation of the pressure of lack or inadequate financial provision
Wisdom: Wisdom makes the couple, especially the husband, manage the situation. The wife knows that wrong statements should be avoided, while the husband takes caution in responding to his wife in case she nags at him. A wise husband will not respond to her nagging by saying, “Should I turn myself to money for you to eat or kill myself?”
Avoid Keeping the Wrong Company: This is relevant mostly to the wife. Don’t stay in the company of women or even men who will tell you cock-and-bull stories of a better scenario in their homes. In most cases, such is not always the truth. Rather, it is a bait to lure you away from your marriage into extramarital affairs and to cause separation or divorce-engendered conflicts in your marriage. Avoid such people like a plague.
Avoid Playing the Blame Game: Don’t start blaming each other for the situation of lack. Never accuse your husband of laziness or your wife of bad luck. Don’t tell him his failure to listen to your advice on finances is responsible for the insufficient funds.
Be Intentional to Engage in Sex to avoid further drifting apart: S3x is a thing of the mind, and when you are not happy, s3x can be relegated to the background. For the wife, it could be a case of denial; while for the husband, a case of avoiding it to prevent being turned down. S3x, as a lubricator, will relieve you of the tension of the lack.
Communicate Understanding, patience and love rather than hurt: Don’t take your frustrations out on each other. It is a saying that “hurting people, hurt others.” So, keep showing understanding and patience in love, rather than being resentful of your spouse either for nagging or being touchy.
Keep hope of a better future alive: This is what is needed most to keep the marriage intact. When a brighter future is in sight, adrenaline to keep moving forward shoots up. Hope is a driving force in marriage. So, focus on a bright future ahead of you in the marriage.
All this will help a couple to minimise the conflicts in the marriage.
