Rapists And 31 New Backsides – By Funke Egbemode
When a woman lifts her skirt or loosens her wrapper for a known philanderer, is she the fool or the philanderer? When a girl flaunts her BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) backside and cleavage in front of a Yahoo-Plus guy, who do we blame, the ritualist who needs stuff for the next sacrifice or the curvy fool who is anxious to be sacrificed?
When next you are driving from one state capital to another, pay closer attention to the difference between the development, the projects at the centre, and the border towns. Also note how all governors, no exceptions here, celebrate what they have achieved in four or eight years based on what is at the state capitals. Note the shine and size of the roads at the capital, compare that with the dense dust at the border towns.
Who benefits from 31 new states? Who will sweat in the sun and shiver in the rain, holding placards for hours? Compare that, again, with those who will return later to explain why the schools and health centres are without water and electricity, the men and women who will alight from multi-million naira brand new vehicles and those who will return home dejected and disillusioned?
These are my thoughts, or some of them when I heard that some people want 31 new states across the country. That was after I recovered first from the shock, then disbelief and then anger. All three, by the way, are directed at the opportunists, the self-centered, selfish dealers who are strutting up and down our political space, seeking how many more Nigerians they can eat for breakfast. I am still livid with these tricksters whose greed is a bottomless insatiable pit. They always want more. More cars, more homes across the globe, more designer wrist watches, more everything. They want additional chieftaincy titles. The ones who are already Senators want to be Governors. The former governors want to become ministers and maybe President. Retirement is not in their dictionary. They just want something extra, anything. Their gluttonous greed is almost demonic. And I am not exaggerating. An old politician, former this and ex-that, just blurted that he needs to buy houses in Abuja and Lagos so he can leave something for his children! Did you gasp? My jaw dropped on the floor. At almost 80, he is still looking for something to leave for children in their 40s and 50s.However, how politicians raise their offspring is not the heart of today’s matter. Their immeasurable selfishness is.
The ones who are clamouring for new states to be created in Nigeria are politicians and contractors. They figure that what their present states can no longer offer them, a new state will, that as lead agitators, they would be rewarded with front row seats in the new arrangements. They will be king or kingmakers or both. The contractors want to build new governors’ offices and palatial government houses. The new Secretariats and Commissioners’ quarters will cost Nigeria billions of naira, billions that will end up in pockets of those who are already rich. There would be scores of official vehicles to be bought. New flyovers and befitting six-lane roads to be constructed. Note that there is no mention of new factories, state farms or any laudable project that would involve serious mental exercise. The best the proponents of new states can offer is more civil service jobs and tons of Special Assistant and Personal Assistant jobs that have no career paths or direction. They have to say something, anything to show they are not totally empty.
The worst group in the ranks of these agitators are the uneducated or ill-educated tribal warriors. Their reason for wanting a new state carved out of the one they currently belong is because their tribe and dialect has not produced a governor since creation. And that, in their myopic view, is an affront to their history and ancestors. Indeed, their forefathers were the first to arrive the place where the Government House is sited and their foremothers gave birth under the tree that was felled to lay the foundation of the first primary school in the state. This set of people have pages and pages of ancestral stories to back the need to honour their superior ancestry, tongue and tribe. There is a state like that in the South West but I will not embarrass their tribal historians here, no, not on a Wednesday.
For a nation with lazy states, the logic to create more lazy states are difficult to understand. However, the Annual State Viability Index (ASVI) published by the Economic Confidential said only six states in Nigeria can survive without federal allocation. These states are Lagos, Rivers, Ogun, Kaduna, Oyo and lately Anambra which joined the rank of less dependent states in 2024. Note that the operative word here is ‘survive’. No Nigerian state as at today can ‘thrive’ without the monthly federal allocation.
In data collected between 2021 and 2024, Lagos generated ₦418 billion locally, exceeding its federal allocation of ₦299 billion.
Rivers made ₦117 billion internally, exceeding its federal allocation of ₦198 billion by 58%. Ogun made ₦50 billion internally, accounting for 57% of its federal allocation of ₦88 billion.
Kaduna generated ₦50 billion locally, which is 40% of its federal allocation of ₦124 billion. Oyo’s ₦38 billion IGR accounted for 29.7% of its federal allocation of ₦127 billion. Anambra generated ₦28 billion internally, which is 29.6% of its federal allocation of ₦94 billion.
Now, let us look at the journey of some Nigerian states. Plateau State was created in 1976 from Benue, then Plateau ‘gave birth’ to Nasarawa State in 1996, Osun was created in 1991 from the old Oyo State and Sokoto which was created in 1976 from North-Western State gave birth to Zamfara in 1996..And so on and so forth
Apart from producing plenty of former governors, senators and many honourables, some of who are dishonourable, take a look across the 36 states and convince yourself that those creations had brought great things to Nigeria. I fail to see the economic additions that increasing Nigerian states from 12 to 19 and then 36 have brought us. When we were in regions, Nigerian students went abroad to study and returned home to work and contribute to nation building. Today our graduate children are cleaning the soiled backsides of Oyinbo people. When we had 12 states, primary school headmasters drove brand new cars. How many Vice Chancellors of universities would see the inside of a tear-rubber vehicle if they did not have official cars? When we had 19 states, our roads and rails worked and we used them safely. Now, kidnappers determine when and how we travel. Before the 36 states were created, foreign direct investments simply happened. The multi nationals were everywhere. Foreign investors brought their money here without our governors and presidents chasing them all over the globe.
Now that we have three dozen states, where are the Berec, Unilever, GB Ollivant, Michelin and all the big employers of labour? Have we not moved from having governments and leaders who built refineries to being a nation of many states that today depends on the wisdom and courage of one man (called Aliko Dangote) to show us the way to refine our crude and restart Peugeot?
Plateau State has emerald and ruby before Nasarawa was excised from it, neither of the two states is making money from solid mineral. From Zamfara to Osun, Nigeria is blessed with hidden treasures that we only speak English to. Neither the governors of the states created in 1967 nor the governors of the new ones know what to do with gold, ruby or emerald. Neither our leaders nor we the followers think it is high time we changed the archaic laws that have kept our solid minerals under our feet instead of converting it to wealth that will make (Dubai) and America green with envy.
I am not even sure whether this nation is going backwards or moving into oblivion because I do not understand the minds of people whose children cannot go to school, observe the mandatory NYSC year safely or find jobs after graduation, but who could sit down to write memos to the National Assembly to ask for creation of 31 new states, of all things, of all needs. Whichever way you look at it, something is wrong with all of us, leaders and followers alike.
Email: egbemode3@gmail.com
